Deadpool's Day Off
by TitanWolf
Summary: the Merc with a Mouth finds himself with nothing to do. madness and death follow as he tries to find things to do.


**Deadpool's Day Off**

**Chapter 1**

**DISCLAIMER I OWN NOTHING**

"Who was Louie the 95th!" he shouted at the TV before him, "What is Gastric Bowel Syndrome!"

It was a slow day for the Merc with a Mouth, well more like a slow week. There had been no job offers and Deadpool found himself with nothing to occupy his time but hours of mindless TV. He had been flipping channels for an hour until finally deciding on Jeopardy. He was interrupted from his TV yelling by his stomach growling.

"Lunch time." he said aloud, standing up and walking toward the fridge. Removing what he needed Deadpool started making a sandwich, singing loudly as he did. "I like bullets yes I do cause bullets kill people and I like killing people somethin somethin, somethin rhymes with people."

When he finished a massive hoagie was lying before him. As the Merc with a Mouth pulled his mask up slightly over his nose and lifted the sandwich to his mouth and took a bite, the contents spilled out on the floor with a wet splat.

"Dammit! Oh well I can always make another." he turned to the fridge and pulled back the door to reveal empty shelves. "Oh yeah, I put everything on the sandwich. Oh well looks like I'm eatin out for lunch."

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The Xavier Institute

Wolverine entered the kitchen. He had been following a trail of destruction from the smashed in front door all over the mansion. Somebody clogged up the toilets, ordered porn on payperview and rifled through Emma's underwear drawer. Now there was food everywhere and broken glass from a dropped jar of jelly. A trail of footprints led out the rear entrance. He sniffed the air briefly.

"Wade." he snarled before running out the back door after the hired gun.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

He finished licking the mustard, jelly, relish, ketchup, catsup, mayo, peanut butter, horseradish, ranch dressing, French dressing, thousand island dressing and steak sauce left over from the sandwich off his fingers.

"Now that was a good sandwich." Deadpool said, he stopped and reached into his back pocket and pulled out a script. "….. Walk twenty feet…. Tackled by Logan…. Viciously disemboweled. Hmm that sounds painful."

He looked around several seconds before ripping a stout tree branch from a tree and weighed it in his hands before nodding to himself and started walking slowly forward. Stopping suddenly he cocked his head and listened intently, before whirling around and smashing the tree branch upside Logan's head. The feral mutant spun in the air and landed face down on the ground.

Deadpool looked around quickly before reaching into Logan's pocket and pulled out his wallet and pulled out the big wad of money and his credit cards before putting the wallet back and walked away, whistling nonchalantly.

After cleaning Wolverine's clock Deadpool found himself sitting on the edge of a rooftop. He was reading the funny pages.

"That cat cracks me up!" he cackled. "He hates Mondays! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

His laughing was interrupted by a scream in an alley and looked to see a woman getting mugged. As the thief ran away he pulled a gun and fired, the man dropped like a rock. His attention was again caught by someone shouting.

"The shot came from over here!" Cage shouted, running over, Iron Fist right behind him. they stopped to see Deadpool.

"Oh no." Fist groaned, seeing the Merc with a Mouth.

"Well holy blacksploitation Batman it's Shaft!"

"Hello Deadpool." Cage grumbled.

"You know your one badass mother-"

"Please be quiet" Fist interrupted.

"Just talkin about Shaft."

"Not Shaft, Luke Cage." Cage said slowly, putting emphasize on every word.

"Nick Cage! wow you sure got a tan since Ghost Rider huh?"

"Not Nick Cage, Luke Cage you know Power Man!" Cage exclaimed, flexing his arms.

"Power Man?" Deadpool asked, raising his hand to his masked chin in thought. "Wasn't he a lame Avengers' villain from the sixties?"

he looked toward Iron Fist.

"And who are you?"

"I'm Iron Fist." Fist replied.

"Iron... Fist?" Deadpool asked. "Isn't it Iron... Man?"

"No!" Fist shouted, getting annoyed.

"I think it is."

"It isn't." Fist replied.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"Well I never thought I'd see the day. a Marvel superhero more obscure than me." Deadpool said. "Wait a minute I know you guys your the Heroes For Employment right?"

"Heroes For Hire!" Cage exclaimed. "Cut the jive Deadpool we got more important things to do!"

"Ooh can I come along please?" Deadpool asked, clasping his hands together. "Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"Well I--"

"Wade!" a voice shouted, they looked to see an enraged Wolverine. "I'm gonna gut you bub!"

"Oh shit." Deadpool mumbled, as Logan leaped through the air. He quickly grabbed Cage and Iron Fist and shoved them toward Logan. They both gasped as his claws sunk into their bodies. Seeing an opening Deadpool kicked them off the rooftop. He listened as a feint splat was heard. "Well that's that."

He stopped to look at his watch.

"I'm missin the Wheel!" he exclaimed and quickly made a beeline for his TV.

**END CHAPTER 1**

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